I was watching One Tree Hill last night and there was a scene that had ‘The Freshman’ playing; it reminded me of you. I heard it on your tiny little laptop, led on your/our bed. 

It made me miss you so much that it hurt to breathe, does that ever happen to you? Where it hurts your chest and your heart and breathing itself is painful? It happened to me constantly when I first left, but as I started squeezing back into my ‘normal’ life, it got easier and that happened less. 

It happened more since we Skyped, and I told you how unhappy I was. I don’t want you to think i’m miserable. I’m not, I’ve got good things surrounding me - I’ve got lots of friends and I’m doing a lot of writing now that college is finished. My social life is fine and I’m playing my part well.

Its just that, for all the friendships I’ve got, theres a hole. I miss the kind of friendship we had. It sounds so stupid to type it, but I felt like it was deeper for us and Ashley. It was more meaningful. I feel like we truly were sisters, not by birth but by our souls or something. 

I never allow myself to miss Antigua, to miss everything. But its so hard to pretend like I wouldn’t give anything to be back there. I wish i’d never got on the plane back to England.

I’m moving to Newcastle in a few months, everyone keeps telling me how scared I must be, how excited. But it feels numb, it feels unreal. Unreal that i’m moving to a big city and not the small town I think I left my heart in.

Everything hurts more now I’ve lost faith in God, the same God we were so sure off. Everything is more painful now, the hurts are more raw and although i’ve stopped cutting myself - i’ve never hated myself more. 

I wonder if I left our God in Guatemala, too. If I went back, i’d find him. I’d remember what it was like to be so assured that there was someone who gave me unconditional love. 

Lets skype soon. I miss you. I want to hear about your life.

Are you happy? 

I love you, 
Georgia.