This is the first year i’ve been a grown up. The first year i’ve really been able to make my own decisions and decide my fate. I’ve moved away from home and I’ve got bills, and rent. I buy my own food now and i’ve had to learn that the big bag of pasta lasts longer than buying a new small packet every week. I’ve learnt you can get 9 Andrex cheaper from a cheap back street shop than a super market. I’ve learn you can get fresh vegetables from a farm a half hour walk away from me, dirt cheap.

I’ve learnt how to cook, clean and study harder. I’ve learnt how to manage my depression - anti depressents, talking therapy and an online support network. The mornings are the hardest, waking up and waiting for the agony, the hopelessness. I don’t know whats worse; when it arrives or when I manage to get out of bed and feel apathy instead. 

But the days are easier. I find that i’m no longer sitting and staring and feeling a sense of worthlessness anymore. I can find things to do. I have motivation i’ve never really had before. 

But its a waiting game. And the new year is only a fresh start if I allow it to be.